“Hello ladies, gentlemen, my fellow astronaughts” (George W. Bush). Well what a week it’s been, I encountered the most troubling question I have ever encountered, what would happen were John Malkovich to enter his own head. The film “Being John Malkovich” then having posed the question, answered it; he enter a world where everyone is John Malkovich, and only says “John Malkovich”. It was good that I found out because nobody ever tries to claim the prize to BASICALLY BRIAN’S Word Of The Day. Before I begin a word of thanks to Just Donal, who persuaded me to attend Eurovision for Asia, and goodness what a fun time was had by all, I only hope that my I Love Linda more than Donal does t-shirt didn’t offend him too much.

BASICALLY BRIAN’S Word Of The Week

ONERABLE: This word is nothing to do whatsoever with the word honourable. Instead it is a kind of like saying troublesome, somebody may be an onerable individual. I assume it originates with the word onerous.

Pronounced: Own- Er- ab- ll

BASICALLY BRIAN’S Question of the Week

What is the origin of the word cocktail? I know what a cock is, it’s a male hen for the record, and everyone should be aware of what a tail is. Can anybody tell me how when you put the two together it means a mixture of liquids, typically alcoholic ones.

BASICALLY BRIAN’S French Love Poem Of the Week

Les Sentiments de votre chou chou

Je sais une proffesseur ettonnant,
Une perssone je vraiment voulant.
Elle est une beau historien,
Oui, cest vrai j’aime Madame Mullen.

Elle as une sourie platine,
Et une beau rire feminine.
Dans mon cour elle fait un feu,
Avec sa soliuer pointu.

Ja’dore sa cour,
Cest le essentiel de mon jour.
Tu doit agree que dans mon terminal,
Je lécher en haut plus plus plus de Donal.

Allor finalment, il faut que dire,
Madame Mullen Je me te toujour souvenir.

Il etait ecrit pour mme Mullen a Brian Harrison, 1 Mai
2004

NB: any criticism of my French will not be appreciated… at all!

BASICALLY BRIAN- A Weekly Column By Basically Brian

Hello and welcome once again, I’m BASICALLY BRIAN and this is my weekly dose of words, wonder, and a tale of years gone by. Before I get started I have a bone to pick with all of you, last week I asked you; how does the man who drives the snowplough get to work in the morning? Despite my pleas I received no replies, once again there is a prize for this and all answers are greatly received at greenday_basketcase@hotmail.com.

BASICALLY BRIAN’S Word of the Week

GYNOTIKOLOBOMASSOPHILE: This is naturally enough some one with gynotikolobomassophilia, which is, a fetish or immense desire to nibble on women’s earlobes.

The purpose of BASICALLY BRIAN’S word of the week is to broaden your vocabulary, and so you should of course use every word BASICALLY BRIAN teaches you at least once a week. As a piece of help this weeks word gynotikolobomassophile is pronounced as follows:

Guy-no-tea-co-low-bow-mass-o-file

BASICALLY BRIAN’S Question of the Week

How do octopi mate? (Octopi= the plural of octopus)

Please answer, greenday_basketcase@hotmail.com: for a bit of a clue, I believe it was Aristotle who actually figured it out.


BASICALLY BRIAN’S Historical Tit Bit of the Week

One of the reasons behind the French revolution was that there were those among the French people who believed there esteemed king Louis XVI wasn’t the manliest of folks. The reasoning behind this was that his marriage to Marie Antoinette wasn’t consummated for over three years! In fairness to the guy it was due to a medical condition he suffered from called phymosis. It would appear to be kind of like a Brittney Justin have they / haven’t they sort of thing but I have no idea how people would come to know about the sexual relationship of the royal family. During this time of probable frustration for our poor Marie, it was assumed that she must have had to play away from home; allegations were rife about misdemeanours with her servants, maids, and female friends, not to mention her children!!! None of these were true but it still increased suspicion of the family and didn’t help diffuse the tensions.

BASICALLY BRIAN- A Weekly Column By Basically Brian

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, or goodnight (depending on what time of the day (or night) it currently is). I'm Basically Brian, and have been employed by Just Donal to share with you, his loyal fans, my thoughts, in all their weird wonderful wackiness. My column will work along the lines of my old email newsletter, which some of you may remember, if not I will explain. Approximately every week I will share with you a question so mind boggling I haven't been able to sleep, a word so wonderful I haven't been able to stop using it and any other pieces of humor that occur to me at the time so with further ado…

Basically Brian's Word Of The Week

Flay- To Flay is to strip away the skin from a body or carcass. Those of you who know me well will understand the significance of this word; otherwise you can read about it in the thrilling Basically Brian's gruesome injury story of the week.

Basically Brian's Question Of The Week

How does the man who drives the snowplow get to work in the morning?????

Subscribers to the afore mention newsletter may remember this one but no one has Successfully answered it yet! He does not live with his snowplow as many have Suggested, that would be sick. May I remind you that there is a prize for satisfactory answers , which are gratefully received at greenday_basketcase@hotmail.com.

Basically Brian's Gruesome Injury Story Of The Week

For those who don't know I work in fish shop(yes it does smell, no it doesn't bother me). On December 28th after three days of Christmas cheer it was back to work. On that fateful morning I got sick of customers requesting the skinning of slip sole, I'm a
traditionalist and like the touch only hand skinning (pardon the pun) can give, but it is a time consuming business, and I am lazy. When one customer came in looking for four of them I decided enough are enough, I'm using the machine. A Fish skinning machine consists of long serrated cylinder, which runs parallel to a blade, the cylinder rotates when activated by a foot pedal, it catches the skin, and then the blade separated the skin from there flesh, the cylinder the pulls the fish along while tarring the skin off. Each slip sole requires skinning on both sides, on the last side of the last fish something happened, I don't know what, but suddenly… I felt a bang on my hand and stopped the machine. I grab my hand with the other, afraid to look. Then peaked, there was so much blood I couldn't even tell witch hand was affected. It became clear when I saw my left index finger, on the topside from the nail to just past the knuckle
the skin hand been flayed all the was tendons, a vein running through them and a lot of blood. I went through the mandatory first aid and hospital procedures and the next day as there was no skin to stitch and no roots to aid it's growth, they grafted a full thickness section of skin from my hip. I'm fine now but for the fact I will be
forced to live my life with out of my knuckles having the skin wrinkles on it, a fact which has led me to set up a knuckle charity, so stay posted.