“ALLLLL RIIIIIGHT DUBLIN”-Billie-Joe Armstrong, what a week, my goodness gracious me, greenday, murder interrogations, and a trip to the bank, wow. I’d like to start this week with huge shout out to Aoife Kinsella, for several reasons which I will address through the course of the column. Just so you know Greenday absolutely rocked, kicked ass, and ruled all at the same time, I believe myself and Paul may offer a joint review so I will tell all later, but now this week we have a lot to get through so lets go…

BASICALLY Brian’s word of the week

OPHELIMITY: The main meaning of this is the ability to please sexually; it can also be used just to mean to be able to please. A more useful word you could not hope to find, just imagine if Paul had been able to say that he has tremendous ophelimity, he may not have struck out in Dalkey!

PRONOUNCED: (first syllable is very difficult to type it’s a very short vowel between o and u) then –ff- el- limit- ee

BASICALLY BRIAN’s question of the week

What EXACTLY is the purpose of the orange traffic light?

I know it’s ‘prepare to stop’; but then you aren’t meant to stop anyway (unless it’s flashing), so really it just means ‘stop’, when a red light which means ‘STOP!!’. I know the theory and rules behind it, but it seems perfectly superfluous, I’ve seen those traffic lights that are just red and green and they work fine! And half the time the orange (or amber as some pretentious arseholes like to call it; no offence) light doesn’t even come on, so then we mustn’t need it, AAAAAHHHHHH IT MAKES ME SO MAD!!!!!

Anyway any answers greatly received at greenday_baskertcase@hotmail.com or even people who agree with me just let me know, it might make me feel better.

BASICALLY BRIAN’s story about how he was the suspect in a murder case

Ok, first of all it would be very easy not to believe this, so I am going to swear on the one thing that you will all believe, as some of you may know I have been going out with my girlfriend for over three years now, so that’s right I am swearing on the one thing I truly love… Manchester United!

It all began at 2:14pm Friday the 28th of January, the phone rang, nothing unusual there, that’s really all you would expect you phone to do. It transpired that the call was for me, and it was one Detective Garda Michael Delong of the National Bureau of Criminal Investigation. He was wondering if I could answer some questions in relation to the murder of some poor Croatian guy in town on the 27th of December. An odd question to ask really, as some of you may no I have never murdered anyone, especially not on that night, which I spent cursing the game half life 2 which reused to install on my computer. I did however agree to answer his questions, mainly because I had little choice, he was a policeman after all. So the time was set and I was to meet him at Howth Garda Station that afternoon, I was there on time, he was running and I quote from a text he sent me “15 minutes late for our rendezvous”. So after a while he arrived and I sat in the front seat of a car with him, and he took a statement. It transpired that he had reason to believe that the murderer had sustained a hand injury during the attack, this is where I come in. He asked me every conceivable question about my hand injury (to refresh your memories look at Basically Brian’s gruesome injury story of the week, in my very first column). That was that, apart from I needed an alibi, so I gave him the number of Emer the girl I work with and said goodbye. I have heard nothing from him since so I guess my story was good enough for him, I do now know though that Emer was interviewed on Tuesday, and he asked her every conceivable question about my left hand. Isn’t that very exciting!

BASICALLY BRIAN’s Matters Arising of the Week

This is a new section I have decided to put in if and only if there has been anything that merits discussion over the last week which doesn’t fit neatly into my intro or any of the section.

This week I was asked by Aoife Kinsella “How do they erect cranes”, I very much appreciated this, because she realized that BASICALLY BRIAN enjoys this kind of thing, it is perfect for a question of the week, and also that she thought to ask me at all. Of course you are all free to ask BASICALLY BRIAN, those of you who have my number can call or text me, I’m not going to give out here cause that would be silly, so if you don’t e-mail me at greenday_basketcase@hotmail.com . I can now tell you Aoife that cranes actually erect themselves! You press a button and they unfold themselves in a process which takes several hours, they can fold up so small as to fit in a truck! Before that they were erected by brave men with harnesses. This information comes courtesy of Paul care of Dec.

Aoife Kinsella also becomes the first person to win the BASICALLY BRIAN’s question of the week competition in almost four years! She answered last weeks question where does the word cocktail come from? SEVEN times!!! And here are those answers!

The first is that it is derived from the French coquetier, or egg-cup. According to this story, the cocktail was invented in New Orleans, circa 1795, by Antoine Amédée Peychaud, an apothecary from Santo Domingo. Peychaud, who is famous as the inventor Peychaud bitters, held social gatherings for fellow Masons at his pharmacy at 437 rue Royale. He would serve brandy toddies to which he would add his own mixture of bitters and would serve in an egg-cup. The drink acquired the name of the cup, but English speaking guests would call it a cocktay, which eventually became the cocktail. The specificity of the details and Peychaud's renown as a mixologist lend credence to this explanation, but there is no definite evidence to support it.

The second explanation is one that does not favor an American origin. In this one, the word derives from the French coquetel, a drink known in the Bordeaux region for several centuries. The drink, and its name, were introduced to America by French officers during the American Revolution.

Another is that it is derived from cock-ale, a drink popular in England in the 17th and 18th centuries. To a cask of new ale was added a sack containing an old rooster, mashed to a pulp, raisins, mace, and cloves, and the mixture was allowed to infuse for a week or so.

The fourth explanation given by Mencken is that it comes from cock-bread-ale, a mixture of stale bread, ale, and bitters that was fed to fighting cocks, and often taken by their handlers as well.

The fifth is that it is so called because it is a drink that will cock your tail.

The sixth story is that it comes from cocktailings. The dregs of various casks would be drained out of the cocks, or valves, mixed together and sold as a cheap drink.

The final explanation is that it came from the practice of toasting the victor in a cock fight. Into the drinks would be inserted a number of feathers corresponding to the number of feathers left in the cock's tail.

My personal favourites, seeming to me to be the most likely, are the 1st and the 6th explanations, but thats just my humble opinion. Although i failed to find a definitive answer to this question, i do hope that seeing as i did try and a definitive answer seemingly does not exist that i will still recieve a prize.
I look forward to next weeks column.

Yours sincerely,

Aoife Kinsella

Now although Aoife didn’t give a concrete answer she certainly gave a lot of time and energy so she will not only receive the prize which everyone receives, she may also claim off me if she so wishes a cocktail which seems like a clever and relevant prize given the question.